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Presents are too heavy


Welcome to the Santa Does Not Exist series (rerun).

DISCLAIMER: Reading this series may cause permanent alteration to your Santa Claus belief.

Leading up to Christmas, I’ll outline several reasons why Santa does not exist, backed up with statistics and scientific facts.

In case you’re wondering, I’m not anti-Christmas. I love the parts that involve drinking and eating. And I usually enjoy the family stuff too. But Santa Claus? Nup. He doesn’t exist.

How do I know?


Consider this:

There are about 1 billion children of Santa-belief age in the world.


1 billion children require presents every year.


If each child receives an average of one present, that’s 1 billion presents.*

*I work with averages. I do take into account that not all children receive presents from Santa due to religious belief, lifestyle, wealth etc., but some receive dozens of presents, many of which are excessively stupid, like a pony, or a round-the-world trip to every single Disneyland on the planet. These ones I would count as being the equivalent of 17 presents in one. Hence, there’s probably about 1 billion presents given, but maybe not 1 billion children who receive them.

If each present weighs an average of 500 grams…

(because that’s about a block of chocolate and seems like a sensible weight – none of this pony business)

…then that means Santa’s reindeer would have to tow 500,000 tonnes of gifts.

500,000 tonnes.

This, of course, is not possible for any animal.

(Even an assortment of brachiosauridae would struggle to shift that load.)

This is why Santa Claus does not exist – the presents are too heavy.

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